How Sucking Creates Confidence

There is one piece of advice I wish someone would have given to me sooner. "It is OK to suck." 

I have noticed that many of my coaching clients focus on what everyone else is doing and not enough on a key skill that will catapult them forward.

The Focus That Moves Away

How much time are you spending focusing on what other people are doing? Over the past few years we have been conditioned to scroll and tap our way through social media. Ironically, the action of scrolling and tapping releases serotonin which causes us to become addicted to the behavior. However, too many people are focused on what everyone else is doing, thus creating a comparison trap. 

This comparison trap, based on addiction, steals our focus and produces a belief that we are not good enough or doing enough. Essentially, the comparison puts us into the “not enough” negative mindset.

Do you catch yourself saying:

• I am not a good enough father/mother.
• I am not a good enough investor.
• I am not in good enough shape.
• I am not strong or good enough for my spouse.
• I am not pretty enough.
• I am not tall enough.
• I am not patient enough.
• I am not doing enough.
• I am not enough.

The “not enough”mindset keeps us from sucking or trying something new. There is fear that we will just not be enough or do it good enough.

The good news is there is a simple tool to build confidence.

The Skill That Builds Confidence

Confidence can be a very confusing topic. I remember when I was younger thinking that confidence was tied to a bravado and arrogance that someone is better than someone else. 

A major part of my dissertation explored confidence and how that can be leveraged to improve human performance. Confidence has been deeply studied for many years. However, there is one aspect of confidence that I really enjoy learning about. 

Confidence, simply put, is the belief that you can learn, adapt, and change.

You have been learning, adapting, and changing your whole life. 

From the time you learned to take your first steps, to the time you “fell off the horse” and had to get back on, you have been learning.

Therefore, confidence is built through learning. 

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to help you build confidence through learning:

• What am I learning?
• How did I adapt?
• What skill did I gain?
• Did I learn what not to do?
• How could I do it next time just a little better?

As we focus on learning, rather than comparing to others, we focus on our own development and ability to figure it out. Thus, learning, including learning what not to do, builds confidence.

To that end, give yourself permission to suck; to try something new…and fail.  

Then focus on what you learned through the process. You don’t need to worry about not being enough. Rather, focus on what you are learning and keep moving towards excellence.